A weird exhale after the landing in europe…
The show is done, I’m back home, I’m starting to unpack my bags… and. What now?
Gotta find a job. Got to start working. Have absolutely no money, and I have storage fees to pay for.
Look at that STAGE! MAN! There was a grand staircase coming down from the right which I had to attempt walking down in high heels that kept falling of my feet. Look Gracious! Ok….. Be sexy! Ok… Yeah, no PROBLEM, I do this everyday, casual… I’m So GOOD. AT. THIS.
NOOOOT. HAhaha. But, after some rehearsal with the slender talented dancer girls getting some moves down by the choreographer, which only made me panic even more, as I am NOT a mover, I started to get REAL nervous. I could just stand in a room with the orchestra and sing in to a microphone for an hour an I’d be happy, I didn’t need all that shaZAM and the dancers and the glitter… It was scary, as I wanted to be good. Because, I mean I’ve done loads of shows before, but this was the first time I was going to expose my voice and MYSELF on TV, where most likely, ALOT of people would see me. I wanted my performance to be impressionable.
But people around me were so supportive, and made me feel better, and as I sat in the makeup chair, freaking OUT about walking down those stairs in my stupid, to big shoes, which they had run out to get some silicone soles to make them fit bigger, which sadly didn’t really help, I thought to myself. COME ON Jas. It’s OK. If I fall flat on my face we can do it again, It’s not LIVE, and also, yes, the coreographer thinks I’m going to try and do it all graceful and sexy… BUT ON THE DAY…. MOAHAHHAHA…. no one can stop me! I’ll just have fun! I’ll be silly and just enjoy myself. The dancers MAKES me look good, they are SO good at it. The music Gets my body moving, the lights and the stage is flattering, and the most important thing is… my whole family is in the audience sitting there smiling and cheering me on, and I haven’t seen them in three months! It’s for them I’m doing it… And they will be happy anyway. It’s not about me showcasing my voice on tv.
It was just wonderful to step on to the stair and seeing my family wave at me from down below in the auditorium, and I waved back, like a little child on stage going “hi mum! can u see me!?” And I was so happy, until the music started playing, and I didn’t have any sounds in my earplugs, so I basically couldn’t hear anything… I struggled through the song, realising I was off time sometimes, but still had fun. When I finished, they came out and apologised and explained to the audience, and we did it again. Same thing happened, but I had WAY more confidence, and sort of went, FUCK IT. Let’s go! And I had a blast… I tried to take out one of the earplugs, but I still couldn’t hear much, so after the applause, and the interview, I went off stage feeling doubtful, not knowing if I had been singing off-key or not, which terrified me, I had no Idea how I sounded, so it was hard to control my voice. We were discussing for a while whether to do it again, but after a lot of assurance, and thinking about all the children in the audience, and everyone probably being tired from all the clapping, I thought, well. No. I had a great time. That’s what matters. The audience were great, and I felt pretty good.