So, watched the show on saturday. I was disappointed. I cried. I moaned. I got angry. As I wrote before, during the takes in the studio, there were technical issues and I couldn’t hear myself or the music, so I wasn’t confident that it had sounded as good as it could have. And I got that suspicion confirmed while watching. It sounded Shit. I was off, sour, and not not not good enough. It was terrible. I guess it’s silly, but I wanted it to be really good, impressive. But it wasn’t it was mediocre. Almost bad. People are saying, “oh, you’re being too critical, I’m sure you’re seeing things other people see.” Well, I’ve seen recordings of me singing before, and it didn’t suck balls like that. But fine. Stop it. What’s really disappointing me is how upset I am about it. Get a grip. I’ve never been that upset about a show or something going wrong before. Get a perspective. So what, the whole nation saw u on TV for the first time and you didn’t do as well as you could’ve. Sure people were going on about “You’re time to shine” and “your moment” and I messed up. Great. That’s fine. Get over it. Get on with it. Do something else. It’s forgotten tomorrow. It’s a shame, because I wanted it to be remembered. But again, mustn’t grumble.