Soooo… I’ve written a little script that I’m gonna shoot just to have a little project and to add something to my directors reel. I haven’t named the characters so I’ve just put the actors names. ANY feedback appreciated. The format is a bit annoying, I for some reason, can’t seam to paste it from Word so that it looks good, so it’ll be quite a lot of scrolling.

Scene one

Ext/night/porch

A young man, Cash enters through a gate, and appears in the darkness and steps on to the porch, where another young man, Joe, is sitting the porch smoking.

 

Joe

How was the party?

 

Cash

Alright. Lots of fucking sluts and free cocaine.

 

Joe

Wow.

 

Cash

I got a ride from this jackass, he really shouldn’t be driving. But I just didn’t give a shit.

 

He lights a cigarette and starts smoking. Pause.

 

Cash

Fucking people that were there… just made me go fuck this, I’m so sick of Hollywood right now.

 

Joe

Why, what happened?

 

Cash

Nothing, they were just these assholes who thought they were the shit, just because they come from a family with money, so fucking self entitled, the girls were basically crack whores, like I’m pretty fucking sure if I asked them to suck my cock for blow, they would do it, no questions asked. Just dirty. And the guys were fucking idiots… I had nothing in common with them, they didn’t even wanna talk to me anyway. Even the fucking security were stuck up their asses. They gave me dirty looks because I was wearing black vans instead of fucking fancy shit, and when I got in, there were fucking chicks in pyjama pants.

 

Joe

That’s Hollywood.

CONTINUED:

 

Cash

Fuck, that’s bullshit. I don’t want to be a part of that, I can’t stand it.

 

Joe

Well, It’s kinda hard when you’re right in the middle of it. But, I guess you don’t have to go to parties like that..

 

Cash

I didn’t get into this business for this. I wanna play music, like, I would love to have my own label one day, just a little company, but I feel that those things I wanted before, are just smalltown boy dreams, like I’m even looking down on my own ambitions, and the whole thing is just growing into this big black thing of greed and anger, like I just wanna fucking own this town.

 

Joe

I know what you’re saying..

 

Cash

I wanna fucking blow up buildings or something, just give them the finger.

 

Pause

 

Cash

Sorry, I’m just fucking…

 

Joe

No worries.

 

Cash

I think I’m loosing sight of things. I don’t even know what I want anymore. And I don’t really understand myself. I bet I sound like a real fucking asshole or something.

 

Joe

No no…

 

Cash

I don’t mean to fucking unload all my problems on you man, I just got so fucked off, this chick I was talking to, like she was such an idiot! God. She was this rich little bitch, she didn’t even make sense when she was talking, and I kinda felt bad, because she was like, ‘Oh, you’re such a nice guy, you’re not like the other guys.’

 

CONTINUED:

 

 

And I’m not, I’m not like, a really ‘nice’ guy, like I can be an asshole, but like, damn…

 

Joe

Makes you think what kind of assholes they hang around with,

 

Cash

Exactly.

 

Joe

Dude, fuck them. Just fuck’em.

 

Cash

Do we have any more beer?

 

Joe

Yeah, I have some.

 

Cash

Do you mind if I grab one?

 

Joe

No, I’m sure I owe you one, so, don’t worry. I got paid today so…

 

Cash

Yeah, I’m fucking broke right now.

 

 

 

Scene two

Int/day/kitchen

 

A young woman, Jas, is lying on the floor staring in silence. Someone is walking around her, she doesn’t look up, but continues to stare ahead.

 

Cash

Why are you on the floor?

 

Jas

I’m frustrated.

 

Cash

Makes sense..

 

 

CONTINUED:

Jas

Sexually frustrated.

 

Sarcastic

Cash

Ohhh that  explains everything.

 

Jas

Why can’t I lie on the floor if I want to lie on the floor. It’s so fucking dirty.

 

Cash

Do you want some beer?

 

Jas

No.

 

He starts walking towards the door, she looks up at him

 

Jas

Where are you going?

 

Cash

To the porch. For a cigarette.

 

Jas

Hey. Wait. Do you know anyone you could hook me up with?

 

Cash

What are you after?

 

Jas

A good penis.

 

Cash

Right. I’ll go and ask all my friends if they have good dicks then.

 

Jas

The guy I’m seeing is gonna be gone for two fucking weeks.

 

Cash

Yeah, but aren’t u fucking another guy too?

 

Jas

Yeah, but he’s not my favourite.

 

 

 

CONTINUED:

 

He comes over to her and sits down on the floor and drinks his beer out of a cup. She sits up. They face each other.

 

Jas

You know that guy I told you about,

 

Cash

With the perfect penis?

 

Jas

Yeah. I think I’m thinking too much about him, and I’m kinda worried. Because we both know that we’re not gonna end up together, cuz we can’t and… but then all these other guys, their great you know. But, I think about him, at the most fucking inaproperiate times, it’s disturbing.

 

 

Cash

Yeah. Well, I think I’m going through the same thing. This chick, the Spanish one, she has a real nice pussy.

 

Jas

Describe it.

 

Cash

Like, it’s real neat, nice and neat, I dunno, it’s just a good looking pussy.

 

Jas

Ok. Innie or outie?

 

Cash

Innie. Of course.

 

Jas

Great. I’m an outie. I hate my fucking vagina.

 

He laughs.

 

Jas

Don’t laugh it’s because of men like YOU. Dickhead. Like, when I say the perfect penis, It’s not that it’s super big or anything, it’s just, the perfect fit for my vagina. Almost like it’s molded for my insides. He doesn’t have to do anything, just the old in-out in-out, and he hits right on the spot and…ahhh… Anyway, yeah, go on.

 

CONTINUED:

Cash

Well, I like her. Not just her.. you know. Since I met her, I can’t stop thinking about her.

 

Jas

Whaaat? Tinman? Do you have a heart?

 

 

Cash

Shut up.

 

Jas

Oh my god that is so funny. Manwhore has met his match.

 

Cash

Yeah, she’s a real fucking cunt, and she’s a bitch, but she’s great. I don’t know what’s happening to me, I don’t like it at all. This doesn’t happen very often, but when it does, I just, fuck…

 

Jas

I have the same thing with that idiot. Like, I’ve been so happy just sleeping around, and I’ve been able to avoid the feelings crap. But… I don’t know. I’m stopping myself from texting him everyday. And, like, if I’m watching a porn or something, and I’m like doing it, I just all of a sudden remember just a glimpse of him. It’s not always sexual. It can just be of him picking up something from the floor, and I’ll get really upset, and I need to focus back into the porn to not loose the horniness… It’s weird, and even when I manage to do it, after I have had an orgasm, I find myself getting really emotional, like I’ll cry, and really really miss him.

 

Cash

That’s disgusting.

 

Jas

I know. Fuck my life.

 

 

Scene three

Ext/day/porch

 

Two people, Kay and Will, are sitting on the porch smoking, they are on their phones.

 

Kay

Look at this.

CONTINUED:

 

Will looks over at her phone and laughs.

 

Will

Have you seen my lighter?

 

Kay

No, sorry dude. I have some matches though.

 

He receives a match from her and lights up with it.

 

Will

Keep your timber limber, and you’ll be a hard man to beat.

 

Kay

Haha, true.

 

Will

But I’m not made of timber. So really…

 

Kay

It’s a good saying though.

 

Will

Yeah, no, I don’t like it. I thought I did, but now I don’t. They should really change it into something to do with flesh and bones,

 

Kay

Sticks and stones?

 

Will

No, not that one. Nevermind…

 

Kay looks at her phone.

 

Will

Sometimes I think I think too much. Which is pointless, because that means I’m already thinking. But then again, I am a pointless person. I don’t have any point.

 

Kay

“Life without you is like a broken pencil. – Pointless. “

 

Will

No. Because it wouldn’t make any difference if I wasn’t here. There would just be more oxygen for you to breathe in, right here. Or, if you prefer to sit in this seat instead of that seat. You could sit right here. What I am

 

CONTINUED:

 

thinking is so irrelevant to everything, no one knows what it is I’m thinking,

 

Will

And I think if anyone knew, they would think it was stupid. So I’m just not gonna tell anyone.

 

Kay

“The true meaning of life is to plant trees, under whose shade you do not expect to sit.”

Will

That is not the correct quote, it’s actually, “society grows great, when old men plant trees who’s shade they shall never sit in.”

 

Kay

Oh. That’s what it said here.

 

Will

Well that just sucks then doesn’t it. Yeah. Like not being able to find my lighter sucks. Probably because I can’t find anything. I don’t know where I put anything, and I kinda don’t care, so I have no one else to blame but me.

 

Kay

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit.”

 

Will

Where did I put it? Fine. I don’t deserve it. It was too good for me. It was an alright lighter. Actually it wasn’t that good. But. I need a lighter, and so, it was there for me when I needed it. But not anymore. I guess I got to buy a new one.

 

Kay

“You cannot plough a field by turning it over in your mind.”

 

Will

But I don’t have any money. At least until next week. I really need to find a new job. The other job I had, I mean, I thought it’d be really easy, but it turned out to be really difficult.

 

Kay

Do you want me to read your horoscope for the week?

 

CONTINUED:

Will

No… No you don’t have to do that.

Kay

Maybe there’s something about you getting a new job, or finding something you’ve lost.

 

Will

No, no I don’t think so. But then again, it might be interesting to see how wrong they are.

 

Kay

Ok, what’s your zodiac?

 

Will

Uhm.. I think it’s Leo.

 

Kay

“With Pluto, your ruler, at the helm there are no half-hearted responses to this week’s events. You’re going to be all for them or all against. Clearly, in view of past experience it might be wiser to soft pedal your feelings …”

 

Shot moves away from the two.

 

Scene four

Ext/night/porch

 

A young man, Joe enters from the front door on the porch, he sits down and starts fiddling with a little computer. He starts to type. He lights a cigarette, and sits in silence. He starts to type again. Another young man, Cash enters and sits down and lights a cigarette.

 

Joe

Hey man, do you wanna see that thing I told you about, the short I did with Mark?

 

Cash

No thanks, I’m not in the mood.

 

Joe

Oh…

Cash

I’ll watch it, just… not now. I wanna watch it though.

 

Joe

Ok, cool, no pressure, I just thought you wanted to see it.

 

CONTINUED:

Cash

Yeah I do, I will watch it.

 

They sit in silence, typing and smoking.

 

Joe

I’m writing a new script. It’s gonna be really different. Me and Mark are sending it off to some festivals and stuff. I’ve been working on it for days. But I really like it, I think it’s good. I’m not saying that it’s good, but, I just think It’s better, then what I’ve done before.

 

Cash

Good.

 

Joe

So, hey, did you give that chick my number?

 

Cash

Oh, uhm… Sarah? Yeah. Yeah…

 

Joe

Oh, when?

 

Cash

On Wednesday.

 

Joe

Ah. Well that’s a shame. She seemed cool.

 

Cash

Well, she still might text you.

 

Joe

Yeah.

 

Cash

You just need to chill man, you’re so tense. You get all awkward and tense around chicks, and it’s ruining your game. You’re not a bad looking guy, just fucking chill out you know.

 

Joe

Weeell, thanks I know.

 

Cash

I’m not saying it to be an ass you know, I’m just saying.

 

CONTINUED:

Joe

Yeah thanks.

 

A young woman, Jas, enters from the door, and joins them.

 

Joe

I haven’t gotten laid in a fucking long time.

 

Jas

Ah. Really?

 

Joe

Yeah. I don’t know. I just can’t connect with people.

 

Jas

Why?

 

Cash puts out his cigarette and exits through the front door, leaving Jas and Joe alone. Jas moves closer.

 

Joe

Well. Ever since, I broke up with my ex girlfriend, I mean, she cheated on me so…

 

Jas

Oh shit.

 

Joe

Yeah, and It was with a friend of mine, so… I just fucking hated everything, and everyone, and I didn’t know how to move on, or what to do. I just wanted to bury my head in the sand, but then I just grabbed everything I had, quit my job and moved out here.

 

Jas

Well, that’s great! I mean, now you’re here. You’re working on stuff.

 

Joe

She broke my heart though man. She really fucking fucked me up. I had no idea. At all. I’m so… so, alienated with everyone because, I don’t understand people at all, why they do what they do, or how people handle things the way they do, because I can’t seem to handle it the same way. Things are just so much fucking easier for everyone else…

Jas

Or it might just seem that way to you.

 

CONTINUED:

Joe

But why can’t I do what other people do then? Why can’t I get laid? Why can’t I get a gig? I swear to god, I’m a really good guy, I fucking gave her my heart, and I loved her so much, I’m not like any other asshole, I am a hundred per cent. Now I just feel like a piece of shit on

 

everybody elses shoe, and I can’t make myself feel better. Trust me I’ve tried. And tried. And it seems like everyone else just moves on with their lives, and succeeds in a fucking flash in front of my eyes, and I don’t know where I go wrong.

 

Jas

Hey…

 

Joe

I know I sound depressing. But I am. I’m fucking depressed. I’m lonely. I’m a fucking nobody. And It sucks. And I refuse. Refuse to go back home. Ever.

 

Jas

Fucking bitch.

 

Joe

Yeah. I would never do that. And then they just told me like, Like I felt like they were patronising me, like I was a little stupid kid that wasn’t good enough, and I haven’t been able to shake that feeling, just thinking about it right now makes me wanna vomit. Sorry.

 

Jas

Don’t apologize.

 

Scene five

Ext/morning/porch

 

Joe is sleeping on the sofa. A young woman, Sophie enters through the front door.

 

Sophie

Did you sleep out here?

 

Joe wakes up.

 

Joe

What? Whah…

 

 

CONTINUED:

Sophie

Have you been sleeping here?

 

Joe

Oh. Yeah. I was.

 

Sophie

Why don’t you go back inside?

 

Joe

I.. I don’t know, I just sleep here sometimes, It’s my thing. I’m comfortable here.

 

Sophie

Ok.

 

Jasmin arrives from around the corner. She steps on to the porch.

 

Jasmin

Are you hitting the gym?

 

Sophie

Yeah.

 

Jasmin

Awesome. I’ll go with you.

 

Sophie

Cool.

 

Will enters, and Joe sits up to make room. Will sits down next to him. He has got a laptop with him. It’s quiet for a while.

 

Jasmin

Why is everyone so quiet?

 

Joe

I just woke up.

 

Will

Maybe we don’t have anything to talk about Jasmin, does every second have to be filled with conversation in your world? Because guess what, this world is different. Silence is treasured.

 

Sophie

What the fuck? Haha.

CONTINUED:

Jasmin

We can talk about you and your fiancé! How is he? When is he coming back from the tour?

 

Sophie

Ahhhh, he’s my ringbuddy! RINGBUDDY.

 

Jasmin

Ok, ok..

 

 

Joe

I don’t know if it’s a good sign that you have problems saying that he is your fiancé.

 

Sophie

What? No. There is no problem. I just like ringbuddy better.

 

Will

Say it. Saaaay it!

 

Sophie

Why? That’s so stupid.

 

Will

Denial. You are in DENIAL.

 

Sophie

You are so full of shit sometimes.

 

Jasmin

Is it the fact that you are freaking out about only seeing one penis for the rest of your life, or is it that you think that…

 

Sophie

I don’t want to be with anybody else, Like, I don’t love anyone else, he’s amazing, and cool and… But, I just think, I’m young you know, it’s crazy to kind of being..

 

Joe

And you have, technically… TECHNICALLY, cheated on him. A lot of times.

 

Will

She’s in denial about that too.

 

Jasmin

Hey…

CONTINUED:

 

Kay and Cash enter from the front door

 

Kay

What’s the problem?

 

Sophie

 

We didn’t have anything to talk about so people felt the need to discuss me and my life decisions. Great.

Kay

You don’t have anything to talk about?

 

Cash is lighting a cigarette.

 

Joe

Can I borrow a cigarette from you?

 

Cash hands it over. Pause. Kay is looking on her phone.

 

Kay

50 interesting topics of conversation.

 

Sophie

Seriously?

 

Kay

Is global change man-made?

 

Sophie

Ok, I’m going now, hey are you coming?

 

Jasmin

Oh… but this is interesting. Yeah ok.

 

They exit.

 

Kay

Should animals be used for research?

 

Will

No

 

Joe

Yes

 

Kay

Does religion cause war?

 

Cash

Yes

CONTINUED:

Joe

Yes

Will

Yes

 

Kay

Should English be the official language in Malaysia?

 

Joe

What?

 

Will

No

 

Kay

Should girls ask boys out?

 

Joe

YES.

 

Cash

Fuck yeah.

 

Will

Yeah, women are all about equality, and they’re all full of shit, cause, they don’t want to contribute and work hard for things that they are already comfortable with, because obviously, men do most of the work, like we have to ask them out, we have to ask them to dance, we have to pay for the dinner…

 

Kay

You don’t have to..

 

Will

Well, it won’t happen if we don’t.

 

Joe

I got asked out by a girl once. It was wonderful…

 

Kay

Is the death penalty effective?

 

Joe

There’s nothing more effective. Boom, you’re dead.

 

Cash

If they deserve it, then yeah.

 

CONTINUED:

Will

Who’s to decide who deserves what though.

 

Joe

A judge. A court. Duh.

 

Will

Yeah, but we don’t know what death is like, so really we can’t measure the punishment, so we don’t really know if it matches the crime.

 

Joe

I’m really not in the mood to discuss this right now…

 

Kay

Oh, sorry. What about.. Are cell phones dangerous?

 

Joe

How about, you stop reading out 50 interesting subjects to discuss?

 

Kay

Haha, ok.

 

Will

Hey, I think I’m gonna go to the red store and get a drink. Does anyone wanna walk with me?

 

Cash

Hey, will you grab me a pack of cigarettes? Menthol?

 

Joe

Here, grab this, I owe him.

 

Will

Great. I didn’t ask if anyone wanted anything, I asked if..

 

Kay

Ill go with you man.

 

Will

Ok.

 THE END

 

Feel free to comment below with any spesifics And/or vote in the poll 

 

 

 

8 Comments

  1. I really liked it. To be honest I didn’t have time to read the whole thing…i got like 1/3rd of the way through. But to be honest I really liked how real it was. I liked how you had the characters swear a lot, because that’s what people actually do. Its reminded me a lot of my roomate and was really interesting to read. Hope that helped!!! Check out my blog if you have the time and also give me a critique it would mean a lot.

    Like

  2. i got to finish it. i liked it. it felt very real, like real people, real conversations… i like the voices that you used, felt very natural, even the fact that they swore a lot. i liked too how the topics of their conversations were honest and raw. yup, liked it ^^

    Like

  3. Hi Jasmin, I think your dialogue sounds very authentic and logical. I like the swearing. But I do feel like swearing and talk about sex is all your characters do. All of your seperate dialogues would fit fine in a larger script. But to be honest, as a whole, I get the feeling your script is leading nowhere. There’s no setting, no action, no real conflict between your character. Maybe this is a dialogue excercise of course, and then i’ts excellent, I think, but if it’s a script, it might benefit from an actual story. But hey, authentic and sparkling dialogue is one of the most difficult things to write, and you’ve succeeded there!

    Like

    1. Thank you for that helpful and constructive comment! You pointed out something quite important, a real conflict between the characters. Something to think about. The bit is called ‘Conversations’ and it’s meant to lead nowhere, and it’s meant to be a useless-hopeless kind of short that I’m going to shoot to add some good dialogue bits to my friends’s reel. But, I’m still gonna try and rewrite a bit with all of that in mind!

      Thanks again SO much for taking the time!!!

      Like

      1. You’re welcome! Well, it’s perfect then for what it’s intended. But it ‘d be a shame to leave it at that, I think. Your dialogues could easily fit into a movie script. Anyway, good luck with the shoot!

        Like

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