Blue Christmas

I’m not gonna lie. I really really miss my family. And my friends, who towards the end of December, all gather back into our old shitty town, to be with family and friends, and to get together. But I am here, far far away… Everything is different, it’s warm, it’s humid, there are palm trees instead of pine, my husband is working and going to school, everyone is busy. No gatherings at Richards or Andy’s house, no listening to my mother complain and stressing about Christmas, but still doing a heck of a job with it.IMG_3210Here I am, attempting to make Christmas here. I guess, for the first time, as an adult. My mother has spoilt me year after year making Christmas special, MAGICAL and relaxing for me. I am here now as a WOMAN of 26, trying to make Christmas as magical as my mum have always managed to make it, in our little studio apartment, with little money, with fans going, with no friends around, and no snow.IMG_3135As I am cooking dinner for my husband, and decorating my gingerbread men, I am doing the ONE thing that I know really helps getting in to the mood, playing my Christmas music list. It gets me smiling, crying and reminiscing. Have I forgotten what Christmas is Really about..?

The songs all tell me something important about Christmas. I’ve got a list of different Christmas songs, Golden Oldies, Norwegian, Traditional Religous, Rocky ones, a few new ones, and a fair bit of Elvis. Here are a few of the ones I have;

– Tenn Lys (Light a candle)

Norwegian traditional song, celebrating the four sundays of advent, one would light one candle each sunday until there would be four candle’s burning on the last day.

Listening to this song, Which is a very melodious BEAUTIFUL song, it’s sad, and it awakens me, as I’m pouting about not getting to be with my family, that Christmas is a time to be the best you can be. Some people are so brave, sacrificing their lives daily, working for people’s freedom, for people’s health.  Not everyone has freedom, not everyone is healthy, not everyone gets to COMPLAIN about Christmas starting too early with decorations in the windows of the stores, with Christmas music being played too soon. Life isn’t fair.

And as I light a candle with a tear in my eye, I pray for all those who, are crying, suffering, starving, fearing for their lives, and for those who have lost loved ones.  Lighting a candle, that is Christmas isn’t it? And pouring your love and hope into it.IMG_3215I’m Dreaming of A White Christmas – The Drifters

You can’t deny, there are tons of really great versions of this song, but WHO can resist that cheerful, humorous and groovy version made famous in the super Christmassy ‘Home Alone.’ This is my Husbands favorite Christmas song, and it makes us both happy as we are faffing around in the house. IMG_3133However, Bing Crosby melts my heart in his more sentimental version, and somehow makes me a little sad, as I do long for the cold snowy Christmases I grew up with. I think of this song when I write Christmas cards, ‘With every Christmas card I write.’

For about five years now I’ve been sending out about Ten Christmas cards every year, and I don’t get any back! That sucks, My mom gets tons, and some of them include me as a sidenote, but you know… Grrr.. My mum says I have to keep doing it for a few years and they’ll start thinking of me around Christmas time like I think of them, and they might just return the love. But THIS year, IMG_3214We got a Christmas card from my Grandmother, Ricks parents, and my mother. Our first Christmas cards as a married couple!

Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas – Frank Sinatra & Bing Crosby

‘once again as in olden days, happy golden days of yours. Faithful friends who are dear to us, gather near to us, once more. Through the years , we all will be together, if the fate allows’

This song makes me think of all my friends coming home for Christmas, and how every year we get together, play games, catch up, and I feel young and playful again, and at the same time I am reminded of how much we’ve grown. I love being surrounded by a group of friends who thinks what I have to say is important, who know who I am, and who notices when I’ve changed for the better. We go way back, and I truly hope to keep the tradition of gathering together this time a year until we are old. With our families, children, spouses and everything! Just not this year…

So This is Christmas – John Lennon & Yoko Ono

What do I know of John Lennon and Yoko Ono’s love? Not much, just that they really knew what they were doing, and stood for what they believed in, no matter what people said. The words of this song are so powerful and jerks tears in my eyes from the first note of his voice.

Yesterday the news of over 80 people among them many children being brutally murdered and tortured in Pakistan, and the mothers and fathers, siblings and friends who are hurt by this will not have a Christmas, or ‘Happy Holidays’, the grievance human beings cause each other is inhumane, where did we loose our humanity? Or did we never share the same definition?

‘War is over, if you want it’.

This also brings to mind, ‘Do they know it’s Christmas’ which is also a favorite, I really like both versions, and they both make me cry. Well John, – What have I done? When I think about it, not nearly enough. Some, but not enough. I promise, it will be a resolution to try harder next year, so ask me again next Christmas please.IMG_3131O helga natt (Oh holy night) – Jussi Bjorling

This song reminds me a lot of my uncle, as he would sit religiously listening enjoying the operatic Swedish words taking over our humble but cozy living room. My grandmother and Uncle come over, or we go and join them every Christmas eve, and it’s not Christmas until we are together, and my Grandmother is the one to remind us of Jesus and God and the whole reason we are celebrating. I was born and bred a Christian, and although the times are changing and I take liberties other Christians don’t I still believe, and want to believe, having faith – it is holy. photo 3Snow or no snow, it is Christmas because of Jesus Christ. Norway is a Christian country, however I think most of the younger generation are leading towards agnostic and atheism. When I really think about the story of Jesus, if it really IS true, if it REALLY happened, then, his beaming face that made everyone fall onto their knees by the sight of him, filling them with joy and a feeling of safety, that thought is really really lovely. If he really lived here on this earth, if he really exists, I can’t think of anything better than meeting him, and greeting his shining face, his brightness, his warmth, and hug him, knowing that he has saved me and all the people I have ever met who made me smile.

I’ll drink to that. I’ll give you a fair few thoughts this year Jesus. I am sorry I tend to loose focus on you around your birthday.

Sleigh Ride – Ella Fitzgerald

Other then the incredible quality of recording and the incredibly tingly tones of the instruments embracing Ella’s jazzy voice, this song is just so pleasant. Gosh, I wanna go for a sleigh ride! I really wish time travel was possible (if we could somehow prevent people abusing it to change it for their benefit) so I could go back to the days of when the sleigh rides weren’t a super expensive novelty with tired dirty horses surrounded by honking cars. I would love to visit my mothers favorite Christmas as a child, and my grandmothers favorite Christmas, when there were horses! And Skis! And milking the cow! And Christmas treats would be an orange! And people would be infinitely happy with ONE present.

‘We’re snuggled up together like two birds of a feather would be.’ – I always picture two chubby robin birds sitting closely together on a branch when I hear that line, and now, that I have my favorite chubby Robin to sit with me, my heart glows knowing that I have someone to snuggle up with.

photo 1Fairytale Of New York – The Pogues and Kirsty McColl

My favorite Christmas song, which pulls on my heartstrings, and brings me passionately to tears about two people that I really love, my Husband which ‘ I can see a better time, when all our dreams come true’ and my best friend, Gwen who shares the love for this song in equal measure. She is a sister to me, my soulmate, a friend who I really miss having around, and who makes me feel Christmas.  Last Christmas she bought me a ticket to London and to The Pogues to see them live, and we held each other Crying to this song,IMG_0575‘I could have been someone’

‘Well so could anyone, you took my dreams from me, when I first found you.’

‘I kept them with me babe, I put the with my own, can’t make it all alone, I built my dreams around you’

Sharing your life with someone, doing their laundry, being poor with them, arguing over money, fretting for each other, nursing each other through sickness and grief. Me and Gwen have been through everything, except having kids, and raising a family, which is something I will share with Rick. I really hope to keep them both with me. Last year I longed to be with the Love of my life, to be with my scumbag, my maggot, my cheap lousy faggot, and now that I am, I miss my old Slut on Junk back in London, and the bells are ringing out for Christmas day.

photo 4However, Although I might have a Blue Christmas – Elvis , My mother sent me a Christmas care package, with items that made my eyes tear up, as she really knows what makes me happy, the traditional things that I love, she sent them with love, all the way from Norway to Aloha Hawaii, where I am going to celebrate my first ‘Mele Kalikimaka’ with Rick, at Hard Rock Cafe, where he will be working, and I will hang out in my red dress with all the other WEIRD people that chooses to celebrate there.

I am starting my own family, I am grown up now. And although I love decorations, Gingerbread houses, traditions, Norwegian candy, food, music, movies and being surrounded by friends, I am surrounded by love, and I live in a cozy home, a roof over my head, I am safe, I am healthy, and that is already MORE than enough. What I will celebrate this year is not all of the above, which is a bonus, but I will celebrate what Christmas is really about.

Giving. Sharing. Being Brave for those who need you to be. Standing up for yourself and others. Fighting for freedom. Working against hunger. The Cure. The pursuit of happiness. Everyone’s right to believe, and have their own faith, in whatever religion. – What WOULD Jesus do? He would want all of THIS. He wouldn’t CARE if some people had a different faith, or if they didn’t believe in him, if they were gay or in the gutter searching for the next needle. Every good human being deserve a MERRY CHRISTMAS, whatever that means. He would want us to all celebrate it differently to our own tastes, as long as it is filled with love, good intention, sharing, helping each other out and keeping humanity alive. 959a9ed0624216336e8d253aceb89e2bThank you Jesus. And thank you mum, and everyone who have and will make my Christmases merry!

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